Posted by Will for Liger.

How to make yourself [appear] better at Myth2SB

Whenever you meet someone on a flank, greet them warmly.  “Fancy seeing the likes of yourself, grim” “Howdy there partner, how goes it Appsy” “Top of the morning to ya, raz”.  This indicates a degree of calmness and sweats your enemy into early trepidation.  If they hate you it will also piss them off. If you lack communicational abilities (see verminix/thor) or are just not a people-person (see gkg), then instead of common social gestures, yell out a string of spontaneous obscene and sexually-tinted vocabulary, such as JOURNEYMAN ANAL RAPE PENIS TRANSVESTITE NIGHTLIGHT GOATFUCK FIZZ WET PANTY SUCTION NIPPLES ASTEROIDS.
Before engaging in the fight quickly puss your teammates’ warriors and use them as human shields for your artillery units.  They will be put to better use this way, especially if they are manned by someone like Father Xmas.  Never control click with the duff, just click on the enemy forces and if it so happens to hit your partner’s units then yell at them for being in the way, regardless if they were in that spot because you pussed them there or not.  If it’s a flag game then use your wights to defend the flags, because it looks really cool and may confuse your enemy, besides against good players wights are never really able to get in on the action.
After you lose the flank, publicly blame your partner (limp has perfected this bit).  If you don’t have a partner, then
A. Lock yourself, detach the units to any foreign player, and blame them.
B. If no foreign players are present, you can mock your opponent for actually trying in the post mwc01 era
C. Quickly alt tab yourself a few times to squander bandwidth upon returning to myth quickly and quickly spam lag, like so.

Alt tab, Alt tab, Alt tab, Download hentai goat porn, Alt tab
Paris in flames: lag
Paris in flames: lag
Paris in flames: lag
Paris in flames: lag
Paris in flames: lag
Paris in flames: lga
Paris in flames: lga
Paris in flames: lag
Paris in flames: laaaaaaaaag
Paris in flames: LAG
Paris in flames: LAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Paris in flames: FROZENFFDSFSFFFFF FUCK
Paris in flames: FROZEN 8:55 FUCK FUCK LAGGGG FUCK LAG
Alt tab, *fap* *fap* *fap*


In the highly-likely event your flank opponent is significantly better than yourself, then in order to loosen the pressure, immediately activate TB style and consume liquor rapidly.  If you are under 21, and not ‘real-life’ cool (see thalander, will, evil jake, rawr, elfoid, etc) you probably lack alcohol access, so then attempt to seduce opponent with cuddly messages filled with warmth and love, TB style can/should still be used. If you are under 18, and thus jail-bait, then firmly and swiftly slice your male-unit off (if you’re playing a dead videogame at this age you will probably die a virgin anyways), plop it into a plastic bag filled with shampoo conditioner and formaldehyde, seal it, drop it in a cooler filled with ice, and UPS ship it to your opponent as fast as possible.  This may shock him into unconsciousness or render him into a perpetual horrific unrecoverable state of perplexive trauma, causing him to lose his flank.  Or, if you have absolutely no dignity you can also appall your enemy by posting pictures of yourself on the internet engaging in anonymous sexual encounters with another male…but no one on myth would do something like that…Would they? ::::cough:::: newskin ::::cough::::

When your team has pretty much lost, always use a ghol or something to tag the last open flags even when the percent score is something along the lines of 84% versus 2%, because no one who plays this game really has a life and its fun to watch them pretend to be pissed of for wasting their time, especially when they have that “hot date” that night and their big, fancy “work project” due early tomorrow, for their “high-earning careers” *wink* wink*.




First off, you never want to be captain, always join whoever Evil Jake is leeching off of, but in the odd event you are team captain, promptly cancel, the other team captain who is better than you will be forced to get NUT, thus allowing your team a slim chance at victory.  If placid2’s slow ass TI83 calculator is not in the game, and you don’t have the time-opportunity to cancel, then max all bre-unor.  Everyone loves bre-unor, not necessarily because of their skills as veteran fighters but moreso because of the cool sounds emitted when they taunt.  Their cries have been known to pressure even 5 ball teams into shamelessly running away, like grim would do if you challenged him to a 1v1.  Also be sure to give the weaker players significantly less units then their somewhat decent counterparts.  Usually they will bitch about it and the spam may cause your team to lose valuable instruction.  To prevent this give them a variety of unit types, but only a small amount of each one (ie: 2 archers, 1 warrior, 2 thrall, 1 ghol), this generally confuses them into thinking they have more units than really do have and makes them think they are an important team player and boosts their morale as well. (note: if your captain ever pulls this shit on you, then spam 0000%%%%%%% (see thor)) Always make sure you take an entire flank (about 40-45% of the team’s units as a general rule of thumb) for yourself, it is very important the captain always has the most units, otherwise the team may doubt your leadership and skill abilities (remember, a team’s morale is key to victory).  After you lost your flank and your teammate’s lose theirs, they will bitch at you for getting rolled over on their weak prongs and inquire to what the fuck you did with your huge army. This is why you want to bitch about how stacked the teams are before they complain.  If the teams were clearly in your favor then pick someone out and claim they sucked horribly with their units and got wighted.  I usually use someone like Fidelix or Hiropon as their grasp of the English language is very limited (anyone with an all lowercase, no italics, name with ‘age’ at the end also works).  Or, you can also pick on someone who is completely cracked-out or simply doesn’t give a flying fuck about this game/their reputation and blame them as well. Its easy to spot these players as they always have letters found at the end of the alphabet in their name, such as zer, arzenic, demolitionx, qwerty, and verminix.  (note: if zer is sober, he will probably lecture you for hours on end about teamwork, championshipness, and manliness) Never pick on some old boring person like Frumius, Papa Bandura, etc. as they will give you their mundane life story and claim their intelligence, wisdom, and age compensates for their lack of ability to stop a rush that has half their forces.  (Frumius is unable to detect semblances of jests, sarcasm, and satire and will make some lame response to this on the forums, just watch – I hope he includes one his homoerotic poems to support his refutation)  Also NEVER pick on some prepubescent hothead like newskin, thalander, will, clank, etc. because they will give you YOUR own pathetic, mundane life-story, challenge your myth skills, intelligence, and you will never hear the end of it.

Whenever in the lobby, to elevate your status as myth cool, throw out random quips after anytime anyone says something, even if its something casual and mundane, such as “sup guys, whats going on?”.  An innocent comment about the weather, such as it being “Rather chilly and rainy outside” can vociferously be responded with “IS THAT WHY YOURE INSIDE YOUR BASEMENT PLAYING VIDEOGAMES ALL DAY, YOU FUCKING FAT HIPPY LOSER LOSER LOSER”.  Higher amounts of Spam indicates a more developed maturity.
A quiet lobby can be prompted into discussion by questioning someone’s sexuality or creating a challenging inquiry or random statement.  Such as
“So, if she is slipping in and out of consciousness, is the sex still consensual?”
“Who is the least intelligent myth player? A. Matty B. Evil Jake C. Horrible Hobbes.” “My favorite hobby is measuring, discuss”
“So…has anyone here ever date-raped their grandma”
“Really?? I’m the only one…awkward…”
“I’m in my safe-place”
“Zantrax-3 YEESSS!!!”
“Im going to jerk off to Teenie’s tits, because she’s a ‘girl’ that plays myth even though her forehead is large enough to be a landing strip for jumbo-jets and it looks like her eyebrows were applied with finger-paint, and she has an adult website where she sells nude pictures of herself for cash even though in real life ‘she’ is some overweight, old bald dude from PoOp, trying to peddle cheap smut to other overweight, middle-aged, balding losers that play unranked (yet think they are more mature and sophisticated than rankers, when they are pathetic enough to buy into ‘her’ bullshit and constantly attempt to flirt with ‘her’ and buy into ‘her’ scam) and post their hideous pictures on elfoids gallery” *fap* *fap*
If you ever anger someone in the myth lobby and they insult you, then you must always retort by spinning their words back to them and adding your mother. If they say “You fucking suck goat balls”, then you say “Your mother fucking sucks goat balls”, And if they say, “You lack the ability to dress yourself suitably, your degree of sanity is questionable, and you drive a kia” respond with “Your mother lacks…”.  If this tires or you are unable to make a witty response, then use the ellipses-question retort. “…?”  Or if you are teenage female slut named sara, then respond with “woe is me”, add an unsmiley “:(“ for added effect.  


BONUS SEKRETZ!!
So, you want to know how to successfully win melee fights all the time? I, Liger, am probably the greatest meleer (and myth player) ever, and I will now teach you how to win melee fights 100% of the time.  This part is easy, all you have to do is make sure you have DOUBLE the melee of your enemy before entering the fight.  
….In the event that you have to engage in a melee fight with less than or equal units than your enemy, then you have to extract melee algorithm 1 by gesture clicking with the subsection of shift clicking algorithm 2 and triple lust clicking the third cube remainder of _ your enemies forces divided by your vet amount and opposing algorithm deductions.  If you don’t go to Cornell like thalander you probably won’t be able to make such computations, so being a drop-out or drug junkie such as Verminix, Will, or Zer, you can either continuously hit your taunt key or repeatedly mash your spacebar.  Remember, you want to hit these keys as FAST as possible, because the harder you try at making it look like you didn’t try, indicates to your enemy that you mastered this game so well, that you don’t even care about the outcome.  

- Liger