Before the point of this post rears its ugly head, a brief introduction may be necessary.

My screenname has been some form of Clank and my color has been neon green since 1999. I have been a member of Tank Clan since this fateful year and have played thousands and thousands of games of Myth: The Fallen Lords, Myth II: Soulblighter, and WWII: Recon. While my play has fluctuated over the years, and my tournament experiences have become steadily more fun, there has been one constant: I cannot play safely in nearly any free for all game. The reason for this is at once obvious and of my own making, and is pretty much irreversible, but an interesting case study nonetheless.

Those that have played with me since the old days may have varying opinions of me, but there are certain constants to my online appearance and persona. My color, my name, and my way of treating those people who I do not prefer have all been impressively consistent: neon green, Clank with no ascii, and being a complete *cruiser* *grim* to every loser on myth. These things are what make me Clank, what make my online presence. When you're in the lobby and you see the neon green/blue thunderbolt, you know that there will probably be either whining, bitching, or insulting in your chat window coming from a faceless neon green player.

My reasons for being a *grim* on an online game are the same reasons star wars nerds choose their sides on their crappy games, or why ruin is afraid of asteroids: This is what makes the game more fun for me, and ruin is just a tittyboy fairy fayg0t. If I've never bitched at you, or have only done so in a light-hearted manner, that's because I think you understand, or at least tolerate, what I do and why I do it. What's the point of being yourself on the internet? Sure you can finger sweet chicks like Sara, but basically there's so much more opportunity to be your own antithesis.

Unfortunately, the laws of thermodynamics or whatever the *cruiser* they are conspire against me: my actions have equal and opposite reactions. While I'm relatively safe in team games, I simply cannot play free for all games under the name Clank unless it's with people that I have yet to dedicate one of my "what the *cruiser* do you play this game for, you'd be better off playing online checkers" rant ballads to, or unless its with people that don't mind who I am on this game. You see, the Myth community polices itself to a certain extent. If you see me in a KG koth game, are you more likely to attack me or an equally skilled yet less interesting player? You guessed it, you're going to try to penetrate my dwarven militia with your feathery shafts of death, or perhaps even go out of your way to completely ruin my chance of winning the game. Does this pretty much make FFA games unfun and unplayable for me? Definitely! But do I want this type of behavior to stop? Of course not!

You see, I not only smile upon this hateplay, but I reward it. After you BC me in a KOTH game or you leave your flag entirely just to rush me on a FR game, you can rest assured you'll have a delicious treat of swearing, slurs, and synonyms for you in the postgame lobby. It will probably result in me trying to hateplay you back, only to be backstabbed by three other players that I have now pissed off as a result of my whining, bitching, and ingenious insulting. This is where the true pleasure comes in. Much like Aurora Snow in a gangbang, I gently moan as I feel your preset artillery units deflate my troops' healthbars into the pile of limbs that represent the unit that they formerly monitored. As each player then slathers a tasty "owned' or "this is what *will* ass tanks get" on top of my dirty, satiated, slutty cyber-existence, I thank heavens that I found this cutthroat game filled with vengeance and subpar players.

So what's the moral of the story, you ask? Well, if you are ever in doubt as to how much you are generally liked on this game, see how long it takes to piss people off after you join a free for all game. By now, just saying hi to players in a free for all game has become a tricky proposition: half the time they think I'm just being sarcastic, or perhaps trying to convince them I've finally decided to not be an asshole, if just for one game, so they have to rush me in order to see if I'll still bitch after receiving more discrimination than a black woman in a country club. Rest assured, my online friends: Clank is the same as ever, and I'm not going to change now. So please, you piece of *poop* penis-wrinkles, rush me in every FFA game you play with me, and dread being randomed onto my team, because the Myth community has decided that I shall never enjoy an FFA game unless I change my name and put on a deer tag, and even then I'll probably die and bitch for ten minutes.

People who I rush on sight in FFAs

Dean ween
tiger
adrenaline
paris
verminix
raziel
arsenal
anybody in DET
father xmas...just because I like to hurt handicapped people if nobody cares