 | I’m going on a world traveling expedition and thought it’d be cool to visit a few of my favorite myth "friends". If I could meet a select group of mythers, without a doubt these are the palpable selections due to their … quaintness… Zer – the epitome of emulating values of greatness and championshipness. He will most likely spend several minutes critiquing my appearance, tone, and personality; informing me of why I will never achieve manly status and carry on the tributes of a true champ. Hopped up on numerous drugs and sex with ugly women, he probably won’t give me much time to talk. Questions to Ask: Is it lethal to ingest baking soda? Isn’t it a bitch when you are shooting up 330 MGs of heroin and the supposedly dead hooker you were raping wakes up? If we got into a fight and I landed the first punch, a very good one that knocks you off balance and makes your face bleed, for the rest of the fight will you just stand there and take it without resistance as I keep nailing blows to your face? If I lost, for your victory dance, would you quickly taunt-stop, taunt-stop, etc. ? - Godcops – I would like to meet him solely to view his personal appearance and attitude. I bet godcops is a really sweet and nice little boy who just needs a little loving care and understanding. He will be very frail and small with a harry-potterish set of glasses, I probably have money stacks bigger than this kid. Do you listen to 50 cent? Where is tyrone? Why are you 12 years old? Where is your mommy? Do you have any spare change? - Rawr – A scruffy little Mexican with an ambitious heart. Upon meeting me, he will give off a few condescending, gayish sounding, mocking laughs, as if he were dominant-cool or something. He will then boast about girls he is sexually involved with; these will presumably be lies and only stated because he is insecure of how others perceive his sexuality and coolness, along with fulfilling his urge to constantly indicate he is a "dominant being" perhaps to compensate the fact he is a mexican. For conversation filler, he will yell out his untrue status as the Peoples Champ, regardless and oblivious to the puzzled stares of the general public. Questions to Ask: Didn’t autocrat retire you? Why are you still playing? Fucking AUTOCRAT, retired you? Jesus, how big is your ego that you would enter a fucking retirement match when you’ve never even won a 1v1; you fucking lost to Evil Jake. Jesus Christ, EVEN NEM doesn’t have shit on your ego. You’re still a virgin aren’t you? [Here, Rawr immediately begins sobbing hysterically, covers his face with both hands, regains posture and attempts to calmly walk off as if I didn’t notice his little hissy fit after being faced with the truth of the sexual prowess he lacks and his ineptness…Days later he will e-mail me more photographs of him with his sister and claim she is his girlfriend] - Enigman – I will most likely stumble across enigman, as I got lost in Eurotravel on my way to Amsterdam, seeking crystally-botanical delights. I will find him in his naturally setting, stoned silly and spitting trashy rap lyrics about Rosa Kato with mortal kombat metaphors to his audience – a horde of orphans in some random alley filled with syringes and unconsciously roofied catholic school girls. During conversation he will constantly threaten me with his limited vocabulary. “You stupid fuck, I will beat your stupid ass up you stupid fuck… fucking CLOWN! I WILL CUT YOUR ASS UP YOU STUPID FUCK, now get some fucking rank” Questions to Ask: So what is it exactly that makes you a legend? Is it your lightly trimmed facial hair? I bet it’s the facial hair. Isn’t it a bitch when you are shooting up 330 MGs of heroin and the supposedly dead hooker you were raping wakes up? Why are you so misogynistic, did your mommy not love you as a child? Wait, so let me get this straight, you’re british… and yet you rap??? Are you really gangster/thug/drug-dealer/convicted rapist? Riiiiiiight…Wait, What the fuck are you doing with that scalpel? - Tainted Bliss – He’s Tb, Goes without saying, no explanation necessary. A cuddly humorous personality and sharp wit, this fellow will entice you for hours as a human entertainment center. Questions to Ask: Why do you gain such gratification by meaninglessly lecturing PMA’s with condescending satiric humor they are too apathetic to have concern for/too inept to comprehend? Do you call people stupid dummy heads to make them angry enough to express displeasure but just not piss them enough to actually deal any lethal damage to you? Who is your daddy and what does he do? I bet I can drink your ass under the table bitch! That’s more of a competitive dare I am sure to lose, than a question though… - Browning – A seemingly nice, calm, and quiet myther, with a very unsuspecting past and background filled with sexual deviance and horrific perturbing fantasy fascinations – A true man of mystery and a self-claimed seducer, French-linguist, with a deep voice and a shaved body; I will probably giggle when he introduces himself. He enjoys lolicon (see works cited)as well as drawing his own very pretty pictures of 7 year old girls with cum-faced smiles, and perky breasts, and much like tirri, has the ability to suck his own penis. Questions to Ask: If you drew a picture of a chick and then jerked off to it, would you have fucked yourself? Metaphorically speaking…? What is your fascination with miniature myth statues? Why are you trying to molest my little sister? - Raz – I actually wouldn’t want to meet Raz but bugging him with questions would kick ass. Questions to Ask : Why do you always treat everyone as if they are wasting your time when you talk to them? Why do you think everyone envies your level of skill? Why do you think everyone is copying your style? Why do you hate everyone that is not attempting to make a concerted effort to dethrone the current US empire filled with false lies and deceit Why are you getting so pissed off? Why are you leaving? - Verminix – Oh dear god, the demonic child spawn himself, in person. The realm of my mind’s curiosity has no limit with this excitable, mentally unstable creature. Is he actually fit to exist in a social atmosphere? Would he be able to hold a conversation? Will he maintain eye contact? Will he let me feed him without attempting to bite my hand? Questions to Ask: Why are you licking your lips and giving me an intense, piercing stare? Isn’t it a bitch when you are shooting up 330 MGs of heroin and the supposedly dead hooker you were raping wakes up? Have I Ever asked you that before? Are you sure, I could have sworn I asked about that. Why aren’t you talking? Considering your limited vocabulary how did your mutual attachment to Raz begin? Were you abused as a child? Dude, Wtf is wrong with you, why aren’t you saying anything? You want the cookie don’t you, yes you do, coochie coochie coo, awww, you like eating that little cook – OWW JESUS MY FUCCCCKKKKING HAND YOU SICK FUCKING ASSGOBLIN FUCKKKkkk! - Rabican – immersed in trivial myth facts and an avid mazz`er, rabican is continually found playing with the dimwitted unrankers, always giving the impression he is constantly shaking his head in disapproval of his weak, incompetent teammates. A being existing on the fringes of depression, constantly desperate for sexual and videogame gratification, he is a shut-in and will either be found masturbating, eating, or playing myth at any given time or even all at the same time; all while publicly stating he has no sex life. Questions to Ask : What is with your obsession with Jesus? Are you fat? I bet you’re fat aren’t you? Just admit it, when you open a tub of icecream, you simply don’t know when to put the spoon down. Oh wait, now that I think of it, I am viewing you in real life, you are in fact fat and my last statement wasn’t even a question and neither is this. - Nem – When he sees me, he will immediately give off a condescending grin and chide as if he was expecting me to be cooler-looking with better posture, like Kugar or something. In conversation, he will treat me as if I were an inferior child because I’m not aussie and [from his own perspective] worse than him at myth. He will begin all sentences with Sooooo… He will advance several attempts in an effort to ruffle my rich puffy dirty-blond hair. In conversation he will continually insinuate I don’t understand the finer points in life because I am an over-privileged American. I guess I can’t hit my roadkill and eat it too. Questions to Ask : Why don’t you have any real-life friends? Why does your marijuana look like it came out of toecutter’s ass? Why doesn’t your ‘girlfriend’ have any teeth? Is your ego bigger than your penis? - Shaister – We will meet on a bright a Sunday afternoon. No words will be exchanged during our contact. He will just look around, make quick eye contact and then lower his gaze, he will cutely paw at the ground with his toes for a short while then re-meet my gaze and stick his tongue out at me with a twisted smile :p Questions to Ask: … - In retrospect if I value my life I don’t think I would be safe within 50 meters of any of these people. In fact, I truly doubt their own mothers feel comfortable being in the same room as them. Long live the myth community, long live MOLDAVIA! Works cited: www.yahoo.com www.google.com www.goatse.cx http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lolicon http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moldavia ----- An Article by Liger. ----- |
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